I can't believe she did that.
I can't believe it.
I keep on wanting to wake up, until I realise that it's not a dream and that Kerry Weaver really did pretend that there is nothing going on between us, acting like the last couple of months have meant nothing, because her work, her goddamn work, is more important. I don't care how she justifies it to herself. The simple fact is, I expected more from her. Hell, I deserved more from her.
And to not get it...to have her ashamed of our relationship...that hurts. Boy does it hurt.
I hate her right now. Actually, I don't, and I know full well I don't, but I keep telling myself I do because it's the easiest way to deal with this. If there is an easy way. Because the thought that I could still love her after all this....well, that'd make me pretty stupid, wouldn't it?
Why did I get involved with her in the first place? I spend half the time angry, or upset, because Kerry can't handle the whole lesbian thing and she's not ready to accept it, which makes me feel that she can't accept me, which isn't exactly great for my self-esteem, you know?
I also know that I spend the other half of the time blissfully happy because we're together, and I'm crazy about her, and she just makes me feel...well, amazing.
Damn her.
I hate her.
Love her.
Life's a bitch, huh?
Just like her.
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