Title: This. Here. Now.
Show/Pairing/Rating, etc.: ER, Kerry/Abby, NC-17, 1/1
Spoilers: General season 8 spoilers, definitely up through "A Simple Twist of Fate."
Notes: 1) This is for Tams, a) b/c it's shower fic <bg>
and b) b/c this may be the closest thing to a V-Day
treat I can come up with before the actual fact. Sorry,
hon! But, at least it's a day early, so you know I didn't
forget. <bg> I know this may not be your favorite
pairing, but you could, um...use your imagination...
2) To Erin Bree on the WWW list: this is sorta your fault. <scowl> Teasing me about dropping hints about my fic plans and not following through... My muse was apparently listening and decided to whisper all these great ideas in my ear about things I could put in my ASToF missing-scene fic--right in the middle of a shift, thankyewverymuch, when I could do nothing about it--and then grab me by the short hairs until I finished it. rassifrassing muses...I lost sleep writing this puppy... <g>
3) I have no bloody idea how, or even whether this fits with any of the Kerry/Abby I've done thus far, or might do in the near future. This just didn't seem to quite fit in with my initial plans for the next missing-scene fic (follow-up to 'In the Kingdom of the Blind'). So, maybe it can stand on its own as...something. <shrug> Just take it like Abby, and the title, says and accept it for what it is. Whatever it is.
4) not beta'd--if you catch anything, please let me know.
Feedback: would be lovely, of course, and may be sent to suzotchka67@o... or via whatever lists I post this to.
Disclaimers: The characters belong to Wells, et al., NBC, Warner Bros., Constant C, etc. I'm just borrowing them for a little non-profit fun.
This. Here. Now.
"Why are you doing this, Abby? What do you want?"
"I...don't know exactly. I mean--" she held up her hands, trying to forestall further protests before she could finish, "I can't tell you what I'll want tomorrow, or hell, what I'll want five hours from now, for that matter. I don't know myself. I just know what I want right now--at this moment--and I don't want to let this chance slip by because I feel like I'd really be missing something. I'm a grown woman. You can't push me into doing anything I don't want to do--well, except at work, but we're not there now. Maggie might have that power over me, but trust me, you don't.
"Whatever this is, it isn't some experiment for the sake of," she made quotation mark signs with her fingers,"'trying something new.' And I'm not offering out of some twisted sense of obligation. Trust me, if I'd wound up staying at Susan Lewis' last night instead of here, she wouldn't be getting this offer."
She was rewarded with a 'hmph' from Kerry that sounded like some combination of hilarity and indignation.
She took a step forward, but Kerry immediately stepped back, still studying her feet, or some unseen pattern in the carpet. She sighed, but pushed ahead.
"I just know that, after everything that happened yesterday, I needed something, someone. And when it came down to it, you were the only one I really felt comfortable enough to ask. I didn't intend to break down in your arms last night, but I did and I'm not sorry I trusted you with that. When I left the hospital last night, I was sure I wouldn't be able to sleep--that I wouldn't feel safe enough to, or that I wouldn't be able to relax enough to. I didn't intend to spend the night in anyone's arms, let alone yours, but I did and I haven't slept that well in...I don't know... Since the Westlakes moved in, I guess.
"When I woke up in your arms this morning, it felt
good. Safe. I wasn't embarrassed or
uncomfortable--even when I realized I'd lost the towel, sometime during the night. I--"
"I'm not your mother, Abby," Kerry murmured.
"What?!" Abby tried to figure out where the hell this was going.
Kerry finally looked up, but fixed her gaze at some point above and beyond Abby's left shoulder, refusing to look down, or even meet her eyes.
"I said I'm not your mother. You need a friend-- someone to turn to for comfort--you've got it. But as much as you might feel you need a surrogate for the mothering you didn't quite get as a child... I can't be that for you. I can't be the one whose bed you crawl into when you wake up scared from a nightmare or a thunderstorm. Hell, at least you've got a mother you can still turn to, imperfect as your relationship with her might be. As much as I might need a little simple body-to-body comfort myself, it just *isn't* quite that simple for me any more. Not when it comes to having a naked--"
"Damn it, Kerry. Look. At. Me" Abby cut her off, and the demand in her tone got the desired effect. Kerry's eyes were now trained on hers.
Abby let some of her exasperation show, "God, I've never had to work this hard to get anyone into bed in my life!"
"I'm sure you haven't," Kerry managed to sound appreciative and envious, all at once, but at least she was still paying attention.
Abby started moving toward her, slowly and deliberately. Predictably, Kerry matched every one of her forward steps with one backward, but her gaze didn't waver.
"Kerry, I'm not offering to have sex with you because 'my mommy didn't love me' as a child," her whiny, singsong tone clearly conveyed her disgust at the idea. "Waking up in your arms felt good. Right, somehow. You were so stiff in my arms, it took me a couple minutes to figure it out, but I did. You want me, but you were trying so hard not to let me see it. You held yourself so still, afraid of touching me, even accidentally. Even now, you don't want me to see it, but I do. I see it in the way you've avoided looking at me directly until now--in way you seem so terrified of letting me get close enough to touch, though I'm not sure which of us you're more afraid of. Part of me thinks there's something very...sexy about watching you struggle with your desire like this. But mostly it's just frustrating, because I want to do more than watch..."
Kerry's retreat was abruptly halted by the wall she suddenly found at her back, and the shock knocked the wind out of her for a moment. Abby leaned in a little closer, bracing a hand against the wall above her left shoulder.
"I want this. I want to see what it would be like to be the focus of all that intensity I know you're capable of, and I want to watch you... I wanna be the one who makes you lose a little of that precious control of yours. Believe me, if I didn't, I wouldn't be standing here, naked, trying to convince you to join me. Pride alone dictates that I should've given up long before now, or at least put on some damn clothes! And. For the record, I have never wanted to do to Maggie what I'm thinking of doing with you right now. Even if this is my only chance, I want to take it--even if it were only for a one-shot deal, I'm willing to live with that."
That was it. Her last shot at convincing Kerry. If none of that did the trick, it was unlikely she could say anything else that would get through to her. It was up to Kerry to decide, now.
She thought she almost had her. She could see Kerry's breathing become shallower. She could almost feel the vibrations going through the other woman. But then Kerry's eyes drifted away and caught on something for a moment, and she snapped out of it.
"I've got to get ready for my shift," she said, seemingly all business. Abby knew better, though. Kerry carefully slid away from her and started fluttering around the room, gathering clothes.
She filled the nervous silence with instructions. "Don't bother going in today, Abby. Take some time. You're welcome to stay here, if you'd like. The fridge is stocked, and there's an extra key hanging by the door to the basement. Just, call Luka, or someone, at the hospital to let them know you're okay. All right?"
Abby hadn't changed position. At first, she had craned her neck to follow Kerry's movements, but once it seemed clear that Kerry wasn't likely to change her mind and give in to what she knew they both wanted, she just slumped, leaning more heavily against the arm braced on the wall and hanging her head.
"Yeah," was all the reply she could manage.
She heard Kerry's nervous, "Okay," and then the soft click of the bathroom door closing.
"Damn it!" She banged her head against the wall, lightly, but the vibrations it sent through her skull made her recoil in pain. "Ow!" She reached up to not quite touch her injured face ad the dull ache she'd shoved aside while paying attention to other things returned with a vengeance.
She turned around and wearily leaned back into the wall where Kerry had been. "Kerry?"
"Yeah?" Kerry called out from behind the door.
"Where do you keep your painkillers?"
"Oh, umm..." the door clicked, slid open about an inch, eyes peered out at her, then quickly slid away, embarrassed, "in here. In the cabinet. Just, um, give me a minute." And then her form was gone from view. Abby could hear the shower curtain slide one way, then back, before Kerry called, "Okay."
She wearily pushed herself from the wall, stepped over, and pushed her way into the bathroom. "Thanks."
She could almost hear Kerry holding her breath while she rummaged around in the medicine cabinet to find...ooh, prescription strength Ibuprofen. She took one and turned the tap on, scooping up a couple handfuls of water to wash it down. She tried very hard to avoid the purplish face staring back at her from the mirrored door of the cabinet--her ego had taken enough of a bruising this morning. She could feel the tension in the small room, could almost hear it over the sound of the running water. She looked over and watched Kerry's silhouette behind the curtain, debating. She then stepped over to the door and noisily shut it. She held her breath and waited. It was only a moment or two before she heard a pained groan and a breathy, 'Oh, God,' from Kerry. Then she very slowly and carefully turned the knob and eased it open enough to slide through, after which she pulled the door closed, just up to the edge of the door frame. Kerry was right, she did have at least one phone call to make.
Call Luka, Kerry had said. She knew what Kerry had thought. That, if she turned to her former boyfriend, she would quickly forget about whatever aberration had led her to proposition Kerry and fall into his arms instead. Shit. It wasn't that simple for her, either. Not now.
Once she had called the hospital and spoken to Luka, not bothering to be quiet about it, she slipped back to the bathroom door and quietly let herself back in. Kerry just seemed to be standing there, in the middle of the tub, turned toward the wall. She couldn't see what, if anything, she was doing, but she could hear the hitch in her breathing. Oh God, was she crying?
Abby stepped close to the tub. She took a chance and pulled the curtain aside, just enough to peer in. Kerry was just standing there. Left forearm braced against the tiled wall in front of her, head buried in the crook of her arm, eyes closed, panting as if from some exertion. But what was she... Oh, wait... Abby caught on to the movements of Kerry's right arm, and just where they were focused. She was doing what Abby had been contemplating herself, trying to relieve the ache between her legs.
Abby was moving almost before she realized it, though she maintained enough presence of mind to be very, very quiet about it as she slid the curtain aside and stepped into the tub. Thankfully, the sound of the shower spray covered the noise she made, or Kerry was just too engrossed in her fantasy to pay attention, and she was able to sneak up behind the redhead, unnoticed until she made her move.
She got as close to Kerry's back as she dared, then positioned her right hand at the apex of Kerry's thighs, hovering just below Kerry's. She took a deep breath, held it a moment, then pressed into Kerry's back and covered her hand with her own.
"Here. Let me help you with that," she breathed against Kerry's ear. The other woman jerked forward at the touch, moving away from the heat at her back, but that much closer to their now conjoined fingers.
"Ugh, Abby!" Kerry croaked out, reacting to the increased pressure against sensitive nerve endings. "Abby...we can't..."
But her undulating hips were telling a different story, and Abby decided she wouldn't let Kerry deny this all so easily.
She moved closer, wrapping her left arm around Kerry's abdomen and pulling their bodies together again while her fingers continued with their work. Her voice was low but intense as she spoke against Kerry's ear. "Damn you and this self-sacrificing bullshit. Tell me you don't want this... Tell me you don't want me, and I'll stop."
When Kerry was unable to utter the lie, Abby leaned in to kiss the back of her neck. "Good." She pulled Kerry back from the wall slightly, then pulled their hands away from her crotch. Kerry whimpered at the loss of contact. "Patience," Abby soothed. She brought their hands up, then gripped Kerry's by the wrist and pulling her fingers into her mouth, tasting Kerry's essence. Once she had thoroughly cleaned the evidence of desire from Kerry's fingers she pulled them from her mouth, then positioned Kerry's right arm against the wall right above her left. "Mmm. Until my face heals a little more, I may have to settle for that little taste."
Kerry's groan--whether it was from Abby's words, from what she was feeling, or from the promise of a possible future encounter--was music to Abby's ears.
Abby shifted her weight slightly, then reached to pull Kerry's left arm from the wall. She slid it downward and back until she was pressing Kerry's fingers between her swollen lips. Kerry's fingers slid easily between her desire-slick folds and she moaned at the contact even as she again explored the heat and wetness between Kerry's thighs.
"You want proof that this is what I want, Kerry? Feel it. Feel how wet I am. For you."
The double assault on Kerry's senses caused her to throw her head back and she groaned low in her throat.
Abby pulled Kerry's hand away, difficult though it was, and presented those slick fingers to their owner for a taste. She couldn't suppress her sharp intake of breath at the sight of Kerry sucking avidly on them; she almost wished she'd used her own fingers so she could experience the pleasure of Kerry suckling them. But when Kerry shuddered in her arms, she was grateful she'd decided to wrap her left arm around Kerry again to steady her.
Abby concentrated on the woman in her arms. Talking her through this as she slid two, and then three fingers into her center and kept pressure against her swollen clit with the heel of her hand.
Kerry leaned back into her, letting her head fall back against her shoulder. She turned her head until Abby could feel Kerry's hot breath against her neck.
"Yes, that's it. I've got you, Kerry. Just let go. This. Here. Now. Take this. Just focus on what you're feeling now and enjoy this."
"Yesss," Kerry hissed.
"Just let me..."
"Oh, God, Abby..."
"...do this for you."
She was getting closer, Abby could tell, both from the jerky movements of her hips and from the strain in her voice."
"Oh, Kerry." Abby slid her left hand up to cup one of Kerry's breasts, looking down over their shoulders to watch the play of her own fingers against the hardened nipple and the undulation of Kerry's hips below. She clamped her thighs around her own throbbing heat as her vaginal muscles contracted in sympathy.
"Oh, don't stop."
Abby could feel the threat of the oncoming muscle spasms around her fingers as Kerry thrust against her palm. Kerry's left hand reached back to grip Abby's hip, fingers digging in.
"That's it, Kerry. Come for me."
Those words sent her over the edge and she thrust once, hard, before going rigid in Abby's arms.
Abby could feel the muscles around her fingers clenching and releasing and she experienced some minor spasms of her own. "Oh, yeah. That's it. Oh..."
Then there was nothing but the sound of the shower spray and their own breathing as they helped each other through the aftermath. Once Kerry's breathing had calmed considerably, Abby swayed backward and loosened her grip on the other woman a little, waiting to see what she would do.
To her surprise, Kerry turned in her arms and slumped against her chest, arms sliding around her in a loose embrace.
"Oh, God, Abby... That was..." She gave up and just nuzzled into Abby's neck.
"Yeah. It certainly was," Abby couldn't help but smile and their mutual inarticulateness.
Kerry looked up at her a moment, "I would..." then ducked her head, shyly. Abby noticed she was blushing and thought it incredibly charming.
Kerry tried again. "I'd really like to, um... Aww, damn it!" Kerry pulled back, looking pissed.
"What, Kerry?" Abby asked, confused by the change in mood.
"Oh, I'm sorry. It's just... I wanted to...return the favor." Kerry blushing and rolling her eyes was enough to make Abby want to lean in and kiss her, but she managed to control the urge.
"But, I've got to get to work."
Abby almost laughed. "We've got a little time, Kerry. You ducked in here primarily as a diversionary tactic, remember? I checked the clock, too, and if I'd let you run out of here as you planned, you would've been a good half-hour early, at least. Plus, I bought you a couple extra hours..."