Let's see. . .if you haven't seen season 7 and don't want to be spoiled then don't read. It takes place after the whole "I'm straight. . . I'm straight, I'm really REALLY straight" conversation when Kim and Kerry are out to Thanksgiving dinner. :-) No sex, no violence, just angst. . . pure, unmitigated angst. It's my idea of what happened, obviously not what really happened. So, therefore, alternate universe I guess. Feedback is good. :-) Thanks in advance. Happy reading.


After the Pause
by: Lisa

"I guess that I had never really thought about it. . . " her pause hanging there for a seemingly indefinite amount of time, a scared but excited look in her eyes. She was blushing furiously, weather it was from he wine, embarrassment, or arousal Kim didn't know.

"Kerry, I didn't mean to upset you." Kim said, only half meaning it.

"You didn't. . . well you did, but it's okay." Kerry replied weakly.

"Well, if you ever want to talk about it, you have a sympathetic ear."

"I'm not . . . , " but she was cut off by the waiter moving closer to the table.

"I suppose you'd like your table back, then?" Kim said looking slightly miffed at the waiter.

"Ma'mm we closed an hour ago." He said with a mix of impatience and interest.

"God, we're sorry." Kerry said getting to her feet. Kim followed her lead. Kerry quickly pulled on her coat, going through the motions so gracefully that it made Kim pause.

'God, you've got it so bad for her! Just watch it, she's not ready for all of this. . . if you go too fast you'll lose her.' Kim thought.

Kim followed Kerry through the tables and out the front door. It was pouring rain by now.

"I'll go get the car, you wait here" she said to Kerry, but Kerry was having none of it.

"Nonsense, then you will have to deal with all of those one way streets. I'll go with you." Kerry said forging out into the rain first. Kim half shrugged and followed, having to speed up to catch Kerry. 'God I love that about her. . . watch it Legaspi.'

"You know, I meant what I said in there. . . about being an ear for you to bend." Kim said trying to catch Kerry's eye.

"I appreciate that, I really do" Kerry said looking at Kim. Their eyes locked for a moment, and at that moment Kerry's crutch slipped and she almost fell. Kim reached out instinctively and caught her. Their eyes locked again.

Kerry felt Kim's arms lock around her, saving her from a rather nasty fall and it was then that the dam just broke. All the stress, all the frustration, all the confusion just poured out of her right there on that Chicago street corner. On that street corner, in the pouring rain, under a street light, in this beautiful woman's arms, Kerry wept.

Kim pulled Kerry close to her, encompassing her in her strong arms. She just wanted to be there for her. To hold her until all of this unrest subsided.

Kerry held on to Kim as though she were the only thing in the world tying her to it.

"I'm sorry," Kerry said looking up at Kim. "It's just so. . . God. . . I don't know. . . I have no idea how I feel about anything, " she said stepping back a half step or so that she was still close to Kim, but not quite so intimate.

"That's all right, Kerry." You don't have to have all of the answers." Kerry half laughed as she wiped her eyes, both still oblivious to the driving rain.

"For anyone else that would work, but I do have to have all of the answers. That's just how I am. . . that's who I am." Kerry said backing off just slightly, but Kim was not going to let her get away that easily.

"How do you feel?"

"What?" Kerry replied, knowing full well what Kim was asking her.

"How do you feel, Kerry?" Kim said, a little more insistently this time.

Kerry took in a breath slowly. . ." terrified, confused, nervous, excited, ashamed. . . it's all mixed up. . . . God, I never let anyone see me cry" she said chastising herself.

"Kerry, it's all right." Kim said looking deep into Kerry's eyes.

"I know," Kerry said brushing off what Kim had said as a platitude and she began to walk towards the car again.

"No. . . Kerry," Kim said putting a hand hon her shoulder making her turn back around until they were face to face again. "It's all right," she said reaching up to wipe a newly forming tear away from Kerry's cheek.

The brush of Kim's finger on her flesh was so intense to her that Kerry felt her face rise to Kim's touch. Kerry looked directly into Kim's eyes and reached out to caress her face. Kerry took two quick steps and was back in Kim's space, she tilted her head and their lips met. Shocks flew through Kerry's body, every pore felt like it was on fire for Kim. All she could think of was how to get closer to her. It was the most fantastic kiss that Kerry had ever been a part of. It was so intense and loving. Their lips caressed each others gently at first, but gradually became more passionate. . . less shy. They embraced closer, hands roving on backs. . . fingers in soaking wet hair. The kiss becoming more and more intense, tongues dancing across each other hungrily. It was like breathing for the very first time.

Right there on that Chicago street corner, in the pouring rain, under the street lamp, in Kim's arms, for the first time in her life, it really was all right.